The cat knew. The cat knew, but didn’t care, and certainly wouldn’t tell a soul. 

But at thirty-four, Hewlett knew his mother’s cat had seen him masturbating plenty.

He’d waited until his mother left for the grocery store, then he went on his mother’s computer and visited his favorite free porn site using the “incognito”  mode on the browser.

It only took a few seconds, and soon a nameless brunette with the massive implants appeared in the video on his screen, bouncing and moaning on a faceless dude’s boner. It was easy for Hewlett to imagine he was the man beneath her. In reality, he was gripping his own pecker instead of the waist of a buxom brunette. He leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling the impending ecstasy.

Hewlett was startled when the white cat leaped and landed with a soft clomp on the desk near the keyboard. He sat up, looking at the cat skeptically.

“Pffft,” Hewlett spat, hoping to shoosh the cat away without pausing his stroking.

Instead of retreating though as he hoped, the cat stepped forward onto the keyboard, somehow managing to hit a combination of keys that turned the computer to full volume. 

“Mmmmmmmm, yeah daddy!” Moaned the sexy brunette loudly. 

Hewlett let go of himself, and reached for the keyboard to turn the volume low again. He didn’t want the nosy neighbor, and his mother’s best friend, Nancy, to hear the porn in her apartment above.

The cat moved forward another step, and managed to trigger a keyboard shortcut that opened a Microsoft Outlook email.

“Goddamn it, Mrs. Claws!” He waved his hand at the cat.

Mrs. Claws stopped and looked at Hewlett inquisitively. She raised a front paw and licked the back of it, looking directly at him.

“Fucking cat.” He muttered, pushing it aside to hit the “Command” and “W” key to close Outlook. But Mrs. Claws set the paw she’d been cleaning down on the keyboard, which somehow pasted the porn website’s address into the body of the open email.

“Shoosh! Go!” Hewlett commanded with a waving gesture.

The cat however, instead of fleeing the desk, pushed her face against the back of his hand affectionately. Hewlett recoiled his hand, and the cat lurched forward. Her tiny paws smashed keys that would reply and send an email containing the “Sexxxy World” website address to his mother’s prayer circle email group.

“Ding!” The computer’s “sent mail” chime sounded.

“Motherfucker!” Hewlett shouted. “Fuck!” 

Mrs. Claws jumped down from the desk, startled by Hewlett’s raised voice. She calmly walked across the room and sat in the doorway, cleaning herself.